I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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