yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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