You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
