Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
