You can't special order awesome
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
