You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
