4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize