i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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