I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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