Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
two words...techno handjob
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
