We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My pussy is not your playground.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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