good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
4 words: hood of his car
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Randomize
