Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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