You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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