I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
