my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
