I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
you're hired as official boob wrangler
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
