and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
