bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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