I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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