Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
