Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Don't EVER smell your tampon
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
