in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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