This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
