i don't like sucking hair
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
