I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
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It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
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Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk