I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
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There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
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She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.