the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis