Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.