First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.