do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
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You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
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I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.