Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again