the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
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Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
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I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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