I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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