How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
