hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
