i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
