I just pynch a tree in the face
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize