We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
