my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
