if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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