Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
