I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
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She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It's official drugs can't kill me
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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