I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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