my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
