I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
