how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
