i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
sex in a hospital.. check
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
