I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
