I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
