There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
