I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
