don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
