i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
