Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
