if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
