fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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