My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize