Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
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Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
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Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.