I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!