i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it