Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
