3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
