he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
whose ass print is on the piano?
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Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
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Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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