Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
