Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
