I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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