the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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