I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
