Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize